Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
