loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
PANTIES FOUND
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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