She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
where am i from again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize