Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
