Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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