Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize