Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize