dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
