Screwed.edu
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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