Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
