why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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