1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
