Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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