Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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