The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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