lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
