I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My ass is underappreciated
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
