matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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