I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize