the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
