I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize