drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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