I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
