i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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