Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
