I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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