his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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