Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
