Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize