he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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