No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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