Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
