I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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