I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
