He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
