Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
