She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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