so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
high people should be assigned attendants
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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