Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
