i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
