Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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