were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
