What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
