the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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