She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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