If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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