i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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