Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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