You're my little dorito
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this just has baby written all over it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
