the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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