I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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