like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
