I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
