Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize