she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
