And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
