You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
