he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
