I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
