so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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