I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
