I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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