pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
