Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
