If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
