but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize