Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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