My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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